“I think I need to quit photography”, I told my parents the other night. “WOW”, my dad responds, I can hear the genuine shock in his voice. My mom says, “I thought we decided to just do a wedding once a quarter instead?” “Yeah I know…but I don’t know..I’m just tired”, I responded.

For the past few months, I’ve gone back and forth on stopping photography all together after I finish my bookings. There’s a part of me that is tired and stressed and “burning the candle at both ends” (one of my moms favorite ways of describing me). That part of me falls easily into the whispers that say I’m not needed anymore, there’s other photographers, there’s bigger and better….the thoughts go on and on. And I believe them sometimes. The other part of me is saying, “no, I am needed, there is no one like me”, and that I love to photograph, I love being there for brides. I wonder sometimes if I’ve already peaked and now I’m just washed up. It’s easy to beat yourself up in this industry. It’s easy to become consumed or drained with creating the same day over and over, planning the same moments on the timeline, doing the same thing. Even though I know that’s not the truth and I know that every wedding truly is different.

I recently made a mistake, leaving something off of a wedding timeline but thankfully my amazing coordinator caught it, and I instantly thought, “I’ve never made that mistake, I think that means it’s time to stop.” My husband, as supportive as he is, reminded me that it’s normal to make mistakes, but to me, it meant that I wasn’t providing the best service to that bride. To me, it meant I left off an important detail and overlooked something. I’m hard on myself as a business owner and photographer. My brides mean the world to me and I never want my level of service to slip because I’m tired or stressed. Their wedding days are THE most important things to them and so it is as well for me.

I write this to say I’m not sure where I’m at in photographing people. I have worked way too hard to give up where I’m at, but I do wonder…is ‘Rachael Caddell Photography’ still a need and a desire? Is it something that is worth pursuing? Or am I just another photographer out here in a “saturated market”.

I want to document wedding days though and I want to continue photographing your family sessions. The maternities, births, and all the in between. Cue “the cycle of life” song from The Lion King. I look around and see the other photographers I used to be close with and see how far they’ve gone and how much they are doing in their business now, and while I’m so proud of them, I can’t help but feel behind.

There’s not really a point in this blog, just a heart check on where I’m at and what I’m feeling. To say “I think I need to quit” out loud to someone other than myself and my husband is weird. It makes it more real. And honestly…I didn’t really like how it sounded. So I’m not sure if whoever is reading this has felt this way too, but how do you give up something you love so much? Or do you keep going and growing? Here’s my little cry for help and advice.

Love,

Your Photographer, Rachael C.A.